Magic Mike XXL - Random Thoughts from a Middle-Aged Woman

I didn't see the first Magic Mike movie. It wasn't a conscious choice. It just wasn't on my radar at the time. Still, when a friend invited me to see the second movie I was happy to go. I was pretty sure that my lack of familiarity with the franchise wouldn't interfere with my enjoyment of the movie. I wasn't wrong, but as you can see from my observations below, I'm pretty sure I wasn't entertained in the way the writers intended! 

• Nice moves!
• He's going to hurt himself dancing around the workshop like that.
• Where are his safety boots? Those sneakers may be good for dancing, but they're not going to help him if he drops an armoire on his foot. He should be wearing steel-toed boots.
• I can't look. He's going to slip and end up crotch-first on that bench grinder. Forget the steel-toed boots. This guy needs chain-mail underpants.
• Pool-side in a suit and tie. I bet they're going to push him in. Yep. They did. He probably only has the one suit. Bet it was dry-clean only. Poor guy. 
• What's with the bikini-clad woman in the helmet? Must be something from the first movie.
• Did he just say "bang her"? Maybe I didn't hear right. They are kind of mumbling. Isn't thinking that others are mumbling a sign of hearing loss? Maybe I need to make an appointment with an audiologist.
• Nope. I heard it again. Do guys really say that? 
• It's Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. In a Fro-Yo truck.
• They're throwing all those costumes out the window. What a waste!
• I wonder what the road clean-up crew thought when they found all that stuff? We never found anything fun like that when I worked on the road crew. We did find a sliced-up, inflatable sex-doll in a ditch once, but that was just creepy.
• I wonder if members of the film crew follow along and pick up all that stuff? 
• I wonder if they'd hire me to do that job? I have experience. See above.
• Hey! I think I had brunch at this place (Rome's club) in the 80's! I don't remember it being quite this exciting, though after-hours entertainment like this would explain the number of expensive sports-cars in the parking lot early in the day. What was that place called? Strawberry...something.
• Oh, wait. This is supposed to be Savannah, and the place I was at was in Florida. I guess all those old, Southern manor-houses look the same.
• The dancer just put that woman on a massage table, but he didn't give her a massage! That's just cruel! I thought this club was supposed to be all about knowing what women want! 
• Isn't that the guy from Community? Danny Glover? No wait. That's the guy from Lethal Weapon... Donald Glover! That's it.
• Good to see Andy McDowell in a movie. It's been a long time. She looks great. And she gets to have sex with the well-hung guy. What the heck was his name again? Anyway, good for her! Sex Lies and Videotape is the last movie I saw where she got laid. And I think her partner was the vacuum cleaner in that one.
• Elizabeth Banks is in the movie and the writers have the women going wild over a Twilight-inspired routine. Couldn't they have done a Hunger Games routine? That could have been funny. Too obvious? How about Zack and Miri Make a Porno? Seems appropriate.
• Imagine if the convention was in Canada? All those women would be trading in their bills for rolls of loonies at the door. A tsunami of Canadian dollars could do some serious damage.
• Fro-Yo guy just covered those women in whipped cream. Hope he's going to pay for their dry-cleaning.
• Who knew you could get all the materials for a sex-swing-chair-thing at your local hardware store?
• What is with all the face-to-crotch moves in these routines? Eww. It's July. In the South. It's hot. It's humid. Even with the best air conditioning things are going to be a bit...swampy. Not sexy.
• Well-hung guy is just going to leave that woman in the sex-swing-chair-thing and watch the rest of the show? He put her in there, he should at least help her out!
• I'm pretty sure Mike just kneed Zoe in the head. Also not sexy.
• That poor woman is still hanging in that swing. That guy is such a dick! Oh, that's his name. Big Dick!
• I'm surprised Mike didn't drop Zoe on her head. I wonder how many times they had to rehearse this? I bet she had to wear knee-pads. And a helmet.
• Nice moves!

Overall, Magic Mike XXL was a fun movie that generally didn't require a lot of thought, which gave me the opportunity for lots of random thoughts of my own!

Return of the Clutter-Buster

There was a brief flurry of activity here a couple of weeks ago, then nothing. No, I didn't get crushed by the mountain of clutter. Hubby and I travelled to Ontario to visit family. While there we attended my niece's high-school graduation. An entrance scholarship was earned. A bursary was awarded. We are very proud. 

Now we're back, and the de-cluttering has started again. But why the sudden interest in order and organization?

Actually, the interest has always been there, but I struggle with motivation. I get so overwhelmed by the perceived amount of work that I have trouble getting started. 

Just before we left for Ontario, I decided to hire someone to clean our house while we were away. That got me motivated! If I expected her to dust my desk, I needed to make it possible for her to find my desk. 

I was so grateful to come home to a clean house. There were clean towels in the bathroom and clean sheets on the bed. Our flight was sooooo early that there was no chance to take care of those things before we left. The house didn't have that musty, closed-up-for-weeks smell that often greets us after time away. Luxury.

I was even more grateful that I didn't have to do it myself. I usually clean before we go away, but I knew I'd be pressed for time before this trip. Hiring someone else to clean took a lot of pressure off, and I was much more relaxed about getting ready to go. Not necessarily relaxed. Just more relaxed than normal. 

The experience was so positive that I decided to hire the same person to clean on a regular basis. There is a catch though. While she cleans I have to take care of some of the other tasks that have been neglected. Like clearing the clutter from my desk. Or my file cabinet. Or my closet...

As you can see there's a lot to do. It's hard to decide where to start, but instead of feeling overwhelmed I'm feeling rather excited about the challenge. 

Expect more posts about the strange things I find while de-cluttering. It keeps me amused while I work, and it makes letting go of some of these items easier if know I can come back here to visit them from time to time.

Desk Debris?

Hidden Treasure? Archaeological Findings?

I wasn't sure what to call this post. What is the appropriate title for a post about the crap you find mixed in a basket of pennies?

The picture below gives you an idea of the size of the basket.  (Picture-taking gave me the opportunity to slack off from my de-cluttering duties. There were a dozen photos taken and evaluated and retaken before I could settle on one.) That's a small apple. It fits comfortably in the palm of my rather petite hand.

In spite of its size, (small, yet really too big to lose track of in the clutter on my desk) that basket was holding: 

- A ticket from the June 30, 1998 midnight showing of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". Good grief. We're closing in on the 20th anniversary for that one. Twenty years. Hard to believe, though if you look at the ticket price, it seems like a million years ago. (I can't remember when two people could get into a movie for $10. Not even with a ticket stub to remind me.)

- A paint-covered screw. Why I felt the need to save it, and why I didn't add it to the "jar of miscellaneous screws" escapes me. (I probably couldn't find the jar of miscellaneous screws. I'm still not sure where it is. I won't get to organizing that part of the house for some time. Possibly years. Maybe never.)

- A rusty paper clip. 

- A hair elastic that had lost all its elastic.

- A guitar pick from Major Chord Music. The three phone numbers indicate that there are, or were, three locations in Southwestern Ontario. I have no idea where those stores were, and I have no recollection of visiting any of them.

- A house from a Monopoly game. I wonder what Abundantia was trying to tell me with that one?

- A button. With thread. No idea what it belongs to. Likely don't even own the garment anymore.

- A Canadian dime.

- A 1981 Canadian silver dollar. (Actually made of nickel. Worth: $1.00. I looked it up. Won't be cashing it in and retiring any time soon. I guess I'll squirrel it away and hope the next time it surfaces it's worth a bundle.)

- A much-abused American penny. Wonder what happened to it?

- An admission button from the Royal Ontario Museum. That was a fun, tiring day!

- A similar button from an unknown source. The logo looks like an exploding...eyeball? Hubby doesn't remember what it's from either. 

- Lint. Lots and lots and lots of lint. 

- Oh, and almost $3.00 in pennies. I rolled them while we watched television last night. (Note: Rolling grubby, linty pennies is a great deterrent for mindless snacking while watching television. I didn't want my hands anywhere near my mouth until they were washed. And washed again.)

That's a lot of...stuff...from one tiny basket in one small area of what suddenly seems like a really, really big house. There's so much more to do. On the up side, there will be so much material for blog posts. See you soon!

PS. Good news! The bank takes rolled pennies. I went in yesterday and asked. They even gave me coin-rolling papers to help me to organize my coppery abundance. All pennies found thus far have been rolled and lugged to the bank. Grand total: $11.50. Looks like Hubby and I each get a fancy coffee in the near future. 

Calm in the Clutter

Yes, yes, I know it's been a long while. I'd offer excuses, but I don't have that kind of time. I have a lot I want to accomplish today. My list of excuses can wait.

So, what has brought me back here? I'm clearing clutter, and I'm finding it rather anxiety-inducing. Just clearing up around my computer desk is causing shortness of breath, though the clouds of dust I'm stirring up might have something to do with my impaired breathing.

My strategy for quelling this anxiety is to cut my work into small, manageable chunks. I set a timer for 15 minutes and work until the timer goes off. (FYI, the timer came in a case of beer. Beer. Another useful, stress-reducing strategy, though probably not one I should indulge in before my task is done.)

(Who am I kidding? There is no "done" to this task.)

Yep, 15 minutes is all I can manage before I start stress over the simplest decisions. Keep or toss? What if I need it again later? It was a gift. What if that person who never visits somehow knows I re-homed it?

And on, and on, and on. 

I've used a timer before when doing the same task. (Yes, I do let things pile up. This job gets done less often than needed. I wait until the mountain reaches hyperventilation-inducing heights before I tackle it.) In the past I'd work for 15 minutes, then play computer games for 15 minutes. (Anyone else remember Pogo? Word Whomp? Sweet Tooth? Does Pogo still exist? I don't dare look or I'll never get back to work. Timer be damned!)

Today I've decided to write in 15 minute increments between bursts of organizing. So far it's working. I find it strange that writing and cleaning are both tasks that I tend to drift away from. I like writing. Tidying... not so much. The timer is keeping me focused. For brief periods anyway. 

I imagine cleaning clutter compares to participating in an archaeological dig.There's the aforementioned dust. There are items of questionable origin. There are items that can no longer be identified. And sometimes there are discoveries:

- Money - I keep finding change. So far the total is 37 cents Canadian, and a small packet of South African currency. Spare change in unlikely places is said to be a sign that Abundantia, the Roman goddess of prosperity, is watching over you. That idea makes me happy, and has me looking more carefully for coins in overlooked corners.

- Writing - Several lists of ideas for blog posts, and a couple of outlines for posts. (When is it too late to share?) The opening paragraphs of a young adult story. (Written years ago when challenged by a co-worker on a slow night at work.) An outline for a children's story about an adventurous spider. (Conceived early one morning in that strange place between sleep and awake. Written in bed so I wouldn't forget.) A poem to my book club commemorating a Christmas get-together. 

- Mementos - Ticket stubs from assorted events (some I even meant to document here.) My wrist band from last October's Pearl Jam concert. (Main floor at Joe Louis Arena! Woot!) My sonic screwdriver and my 3D glasses from the Doctor Who movie.

- Photos - School photos of my niece and nephew.  Old passport photos. My university student card. (No, I won't be sharing. I look rather green in that photo, and it's not just because the picture has faded. I remember having a terrible migraine the day it was taken. I've never looked good in green.)

- Crafts - Three unfinished knitting projects. (A Christmas stocking, a scarf and a hat. They're kind of bulky, and they should have been hard to lose track of. THAT'S how messy my desk is.) Two completed crocheted snowflakes. 

- More Money - Abundantia smiles on me today. I just found a basket of pennies hiding behind the knitting.

- Coin-Rolling Tubes - A bag of these tubes had fallen behind my desk. A good discovery, as the Canadian Government phased out pennies a few years ago. I'm going to need to roll all those pennies to redeem them at the bank. 

- Stationery - Two blank, spiral-bound notebooks. Two unused legal pads, and a few partially used ones. A pencil from NASA. Four sparkly pencils with Canadian-flag erasers. Several pens and markers. (Most of them probably don't work. Testing, AND DISCARDING, them is a job for another day.)

- Even More Money - Another basket of pennies. Thank you Abundantia! I knew about this basket, but I thought it contained paper clips. I wonder how many rolls of pennies the bank will take? What will I do if the bank doesn't want them? (Oops. Just got sucked into a "crafts using pennies" Google search. I don't have enough coins (or time, or patience) to do any of the cool stuff. Probably a good thing. I don't need any more unfinished projects cluttering up my space.)

Alternating de-cluttering time with writing time has helped to keep my anxiety at a manageable level. Recording my archaeological discoveries here has helped to make the process fun. For me at least. Good thing I've found something that works. There's a lot more to go. I've barely scratched, or rather cleared, the surface of a very small portion of our house. I don't want to think of that right now. I do believe Hubby is pouring me that beer...

Hello! Again!

So, here I am once again with nothing to say.

Actually, that's not true. A lot of really cool stuff has been happening that I'd love to tell you about, but I just don't have the time. Or rather, I just don't make the time. Or rather, I'm letting all my thoughts mellow until I have just the right words to share with you.

Nah. I'm just lazy.

Until I get my act together here's another picture of me: 

There, don't we all feel better now knowing that I still exist?

Obviously not a current picture. You can tell by the flowers in the background, and by the still uncut hair.  There are a few more unpublished photos in the files. Procrastination is my friend. I have a winter's worth of Visible Monday outfits saved up. Now I won't have to go out into the cold for pictures if I want to participate. Yeah!

This outfit is a combination of recycled, upcycled and Canadian-made items. Except the shoes. My fussy feet require just the right shoe, so when I find ones that work I buy them. Ideals be damned. 

The shrug and the trousers were both bought on consignment. The tank is Canadian-made by Miik clothing (Purchased at Be clothing). The bracelet is stolen from a gift from my mom. (I think she knows I have it.) The pendant is locally made from recycled bicycle parts. (Rose Pedals Jewelry if you're interested. You should be interested.)

Linking up with Patti of the Patti dress over at Not Dead Yet Style for Visible Monday. Hope you'll stop by and check out the fun. And if the promise of stylish women with impeccable taste isn't enticement enough, there's a contest too! You should seriously check it out.

Why?... Why Not?... And Other Questions...

Look! I'm still here! Here's a picture to prove it:

Yes, I know. Not a very flattering picture. 

I had a migraine that had just receded enough to go out in public.

I had just been for a consult with a new stylist/hairdresser/individual of scissorly skills. My hair had been left to its own devices, as I wanted demonstrate what my hair actually does, rather than what my hair can be made to do. (I think we have a plan. Appointment in a week. We'll see if it's a plan I can actually enact. My sister inherited all the hairstyling genes in our family. I, on the other hand, can almost always figure out which end of the brush to use.)

The picture was taken up close, with an iPad, under questionable lighting in the front shop of a local optometry practice. There were other customers around. I was feeling rather self conscious. (I stopped there on my way home from my hair appointment, in spite of the headache, because the stylist was wearing really cool glasses that she had purchased there. And because a co-worker also got great frames there. And because I really, really need to replace my current glasses.)

Strange how I feel the need to justify/explain/make excuses for my appearance. Do we all do that? Do men do that?

Why am I sharing this? Probably because I cringe every time I see this picture. My instinct is to rip it to shreds, or at least delete it and try to forget it. Which is ridiculous. This is my face. Or at least a digital reproduction of my face. I should love my face. Shouldn't I? Or would that be vain?

Of course, one could perceive vanity in sharing one's face on the internet. Why am I sharing it? I know I'm not looking for approval, or reassurance or compliments. You're going to have to take my word on that one.

So why am I posting it? To torture myself? Because I don't want to, and I'm contrary by nature? Because it scares me and I'm tired of letting my fears hold me back? 

Maybe because each time I see it I cringe a little less. I find a little bit more to like. I'm a wee bit gentler with myself. I judge a bit less harshly.  And maybe if I can do that for myself, I can expand the skill and extend it to the world.

Though maybe I should be asking why not?

It's only a picture for crying out loud.

Reaping in the Rain

This year the stars (and schedules) aligned to allow me to help with the grape harvest at Sleeping Cougar Acres.

It was a great year for grapes. In some cases we were able to fill an entire bucket with grapes from a single plant. It was a less-than-ideal day for working in the vineyard.  There was rain, and there was the knowledge that not all the neighbourhood cougars were sleeping. Reports of sightings in the area added a little extra excitement to the day.

Petite milo grapes, the ones we were harvesting, are considered whites even though they are a lovely pink when ripe. There are 350 of these plants at Sleeping Cougar Acres. There were six of us picking. You do the math.

In previous years they managed to pick the whites in about three hours. This year there were so many grapes it took more than seven. We did take a brief break for a delicious picnic lunch that L prepared for us volunteers. Yep, I work for sandwiches. And cookies.

By the end of they day we were all wet, exhausted, achy...

... and in some cases silly.

The grapes were purchased by Southend Winery on Quadra Island.  They don't have a final weight for this harvest, but the winery's truck was practically groaning under the load. A bumper crop! Or rather a bumper-to-bumper crop. We filled four of the winery's transport containers. I understand that in past years they only filled one. And we haven't even started the reds.

Yes, I said "we". In spite of the rain, the aching muscles and the possibility of being eaten by a mountain lion, I'd definitely invite myself back to help harvest the reds. A bad day in the vineyard is better than a good day at work. And that's before we've tested the fermented fruits of our labour. So much to look forward to!