Magic Mike XXL - Random Thoughts from a Middle-Aged Woman

I didn't see the first Magic Mike movie. It wasn't a conscious choice. It just wasn't on my radar at the time. Still, when a friend invited me to see the second movie I was happy to go. I was pretty sure that my lack of familiarity with the franchise wouldn't interfere with my enjoyment of the movie. I wasn't wrong, but as you can see from my observations below, I'm pretty sure I wasn't entertained in the way the writers intended! 

• Nice moves!
• He's going to hurt himself dancing around the workshop like that.
• Where are his safety boots? Those sneakers may be good for dancing, but they're not going to help him if he drops an armoire on his foot. He should be wearing steel-toed boots.
• I can't look. He's going to slip and end up crotch-first on that bench grinder. Forget the steel-toed boots. This guy needs chain-mail underpants.
• Pool-side in a suit and tie. I bet they're going to push him in. Yep. They did. He probably only has the one suit. Bet it was dry-clean only. Poor guy. 
• What's with the bikini-clad woman in the helmet? Must be something from the first movie.
• Did he just say "bang her"? Maybe I didn't hear right. They are kind of mumbling. Isn't thinking that others are mumbling a sign of hearing loss? Maybe I need to make an appointment with an audiologist.
• Nope. I heard it again. Do guys really say that? 
• It's Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. In a Fro-Yo truck.
• They're throwing all those costumes out the window. What a waste!
• I wonder what the road clean-up crew thought when they found all that stuff? We never found anything fun like that when I worked on the road crew. We did find a sliced-up, inflatable sex-doll in a ditch once, but that was just creepy.
• I wonder if members of the film crew follow along and pick up all that stuff? 
• I wonder if they'd hire me to do that job? I have experience. See above.
• Hey! I think I had brunch at this place (Rome's club) in the 80's! I don't remember it being quite this exciting, though after-hours entertainment like this would explain the number of expensive sports-cars in the parking lot early in the day. What was that place called? Strawberry...something.
• Oh, wait. This is supposed to be Savannah, and the place I was at was in Florida. I guess all those old, Southern manor-houses look the same.
• The dancer just put that woman on a massage table, but he didn't give her a massage! That's just cruel! I thought this club was supposed to be all about knowing what women want! 
• Isn't that the guy from Community? Danny Glover? No wait. That's the guy from Lethal Weapon... Donald Glover! That's it.
• Good to see Andy McDowell in a movie. It's been a long time. She looks great. And she gets to have sex with the well-hung guy. What the heck was his name again? Anyway, good for her! Sex Lies and Videotape is the last movie I saw where she got laid. And I think her partner was the vacuum cleaner in that one.
• Elizabeth Banks is in the movie and the writers have the women going wild over a Twilight-inspired routine. Couldn't they have done a Hunger Games routine? That could have been funny. Too obvious? How about Zack and Miri Make a Porno? Seems appropriate.
• Imagine if the convention was in Canada? All those women would be trading in their bills for rolls of loonies at the door. A tsunami of Canadian dollars could do some serious damage.
• Fro-Yo guy just covered those women in whipped cream. Hope he's going to pay for their dry-cleaning.
• Who knew you could get all the materials for a sex-swing-chair-thing at your local hardware store?
• What is with all the face-to-crotch moves in these routines? Eww. It's July. In the South. It's hot. It's humid. Even with the best air conditioning things are going to be a bit...swampy. Not sexy.
• Well-hung guy is just going to leave that woman in the sex-swing-chair-thing and watch the rest of the show? He put her in there, he should at least help her out!
• I'm pretty sure Mike just kneed Zoe in the head. Also not sexy.
• That poor woman is still hanging in that swing. That guy is such a dick! Oh, that's his name. Big Dick!
• I'm surprised Mike didn't drop Zoe on her head. I wonder how many times they had to rehearse this? I bet she had to wear knee-pads. And a helmet.
• Nice moves!

Overall, Magic Mike XXL was a fun movie that generally didn't require a lot of thought, which gave me the opportunity for lots of random thoughts of my own!