Nutty Rant

What the hell is wrong with the manufacturers of natural nut butter?  Today I bought a 250g jar of hazelnut butter.  It was $7. The entire jar is small enough to fit in my tea mug with room to spare for tea.  That isn't my issue. I was willing to pay the price.  I was also aware that the the nut oil would have separated from the rest of the product.  I expect that with a natural nut butter.  

What pissed me off about this product, and what angers me about natural nut butters in general, is the amount of product you lose, and the amount of time you waste cleaning up, when you attempt to stir the separated oil back into the rest of the butter.

Why on earth don't they leave enough headspace in the jar to actually stir the stuff?  I've had the same problem with every natural nut butter I've tried. As soon as I put a utensil in the jar the oil oozes over the edge and down the sides of the jar.  I pay too much for the stuff to waste it!  Not to mention how much I detest cleaning up the oily mess. They've figured out how to make an awesome product, why can't they figure out that they have to leave room in the jar to stir it?

I think it's an evil scheme to get us to buy more nut butter.  Because you can't effectively mix the oil back in, by the time you get to the bottom of the jar you're left with a dry, unspreadable and generally unappetizing paste.  Then you have to go out and buy more nut butter.  Gargh!

Today I was so frustrated by the whole friggin issue that I was on the verge of running screaming into the street.  Fortunately I was saved from this particular embarassment by the recipe that called for the hazelnut butter in the first place. 

Last week I borrowed Victoria Laine's recipe book "Health by Chocolate"  from the library.  They may not get it back.  Honestly, given the amount of drooling I've been doing while browsing through the book they may not want it back!

I've been on a bit of a chocolate-making kick lately, so when I saw this book I knew it would follow me home.  It's full of recipes for beverages, bars and bon-bons all featuring quality, dark chocolate and other healthful ingredients. 

Today I made the "Nutty-ella Chocolate Spread" - hence the need for hazelnut butter.  Good stuff.  In fact, it's so good that a bit of spread on crispbread and a cup of tea and I no longer feel the need to hunt down the nearest maker of natural nut butter and stick their jar where the sun don't shine.  Thank goodness for chocolate!

March Sadness

A morning phone call had me rushing out the door, chocolate in one hand, tea in the other. A young friend had had her heart broken, so I was off to offer what advice 43 can give to 19, which is pretty much none whatsoever. At least I had chocolate. And hugs. I thought that made me prepared. I was wrong. She didn't want chocolate. I know it wasn't good chocolate; I had already eaten the good stuff. In fact, all I had to offer were some cardboard-y biscuits. Still, I thought everyone consumed chocolate when broken-hearted. Have things changed? Am I that out of the loop? I feel so old! I just wish I felt that the age came with wisdom.

In her distress, my friend didn't want anything to eat. She had to struggle to finish a half a cup of tea. Poor thing. All that left me to offer were hugs, and a shoulder to cry on. She seemed to appreciate those things, as much as one can appreciate anything when in the depths of despair. We talked for a while, then walked, then went to pick up boxes to pack up his stuff. What a sad morning.

Thanks to hubby it's been years and years since I've had to deal with this kind of heart-break myself. I'm left struggling to remember what I wanted to eat when I felt like this. Chocolate, for sure, but what else? I'll ponder for a bit, and in the mean time am open to suggestions. What foods call to you when you need comfort?

Danger! Dark Chocolate!

I continue to discover the most interesting things when I check the labels on food packaging. For instance, the following disclaimer was just above the ingredient list on a bar of Hershey’s Special Dark Chocolate:



I had to wonder why the warning was there. I immediately thought lawsuit, and went lurking about the internet to see what I could find. I expected something between the McDonald‘s coffee case and a Seinfeld episode. What I did find was even funnier. Parody newspaper, The Onion, ran an article that was exactly what I thought I would find when I started looking for an explanation for the disclaimer. The only difference is that I expected to find an actual lawsuit. The lawsuit reported in The Onion was, obviously, a joke.


Of course, just when I thought fiction was strange, the truth jumps in with something stranger. A Fortune Magazine article, which was published more than 2 years after The Onion's article, talks about a lawsuit filed by New York City attorney Sam Hirsch on behalf of a group of obese teens. I think I knew about this case, which was dismissed, but I wasn't aware that any serious discussion came out of it. Apparently a few people were concerned about the impact of the case on the food industry. Impressive for a lawsuit that was referred to as a "laughingstock".

I never did discover why there was a disclaimer on my chocolate bar. Maybe Hershey's has put it there as a public service, although after reading the Fortune article I'm inclined to think that it's more about covering their assets.

UPDATE: November 6, 2008

After writing about the warning on my chocolate bar, references to Hershey’s chocolate keep cropping up. First there was the reappearance of chocolate bars that had been recalled two years ago for possible salmonella contamination. The bars were stolen from a disposal site. Makes me wonder how recalled items are disposed of. Somehow I thought they’d no longer resemble a saleable product.

Then I found a cute little Hershey bar in the basket of Halloween candy at work. I thought it would be too small for a warning, but when I turned it over there was a shorter caution. This one reminded consumers to “make sure you read the label every time”. Given the current concerns with Hershey products I don’t think reading the label is going to help. Unless you’ve memorized the barcodes affected by the recall, and if you have you probably have other more pressing concerns.

Hormones, Holidays and Other Excuses

Grocery shopping yesterday. I will admit to buying a few things that are almost, but not quite, entirely unlike food.* I was shopping by myself, so I have no one else to blame for the rogue items that slipped into my cart. Instead I’ll blame it on hormones and the upcoming holiday. (That’s Thanksgiving for those of you who are unfamiliar with our strange Canadian customs.)

I cannot make pie pastry. Many have tried to teach me, but in spite of their best efforts, my pie crusts end up rock hard from overworking, or soggy from my tears of frustration. In my house pastry preparation involves extreme swearing, screaming and throwing things. I no longer attempt to make pie pastry. I buy pre-made pie shells. In fact, I bought one today. It was one of those items that slipped into my cart. You see, I want pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving dinner. I can make pumpkin pie filling, and it’s far superior to anything you will find in a prepared pumpkin pie. I just needed something to hold the filling. Thus the prepared pie shell. I’m just going to ignore that I can only identify four of the eight ingredients listed on the package. I’m hoping that by the time Thanksgiving rolls around again I will have found a better alternative.

I’m in the early stages of re-thinking my food choices, so I’m trying to give myself some leeway. I consider it part of my goal not to drive myself crazy about this process. Instead I’ll give myself credit for the many good choices I did make. Given the PMS emergency, I’m actually pleased that so few extras followed me home. I mean, how could I resist candy-coated chocolate or microwave popcorn? Besides, I’m sure the chocolate items don’t count. I bought them from the bulk section, where there are no ingredient lists. I’ll assume they are of the highest quality, organic, healthful ingredients. For today. When I feel less like I’m being hijacked by my hormones I’ll try to find reasonable alternatives. Then the next time I feel like I’d trade my house, my car and my cat for a bag of chocolate-covered potato chips I can be prepared.

(Note: When I wrote the bit above, I thought chocolate-covered potato chips existed only in my imagination. Then I Googled “chocolate covered potato chips” and found out that they do exist. In fact, you can get a 3lb box of them delivered to your door. What a time to discover that little bit of information!)

* My humble adaptation of a wonderful, useful turn-of-phrase coined by the great Douglas Adams.